A Day In The Life

If only to hear her heart near
Unsaid, undone, in shameless love so dear
I will know the best of it all
Her smile, her laugh, and every idle call
Still would I know more of thirst not quenched
To see the truth in the blood of a wound
It all quells afar from war made tame
This beast in me becomes stilled by sleep
I saw the truth in the blood of a wound
Hence all became clear to me
No longer hope in hope so unfound to slay joy
But met in the clash of willful desire
These two became naked though with no shame
Akin to bareness of soul; shieldless hearts revealed
"I do love you" "I do also love you"
Echoes hardly went then fled all care
Then they belittled eternal life as well
Becoming two like mirrors of foolish love
"Heaven has no equal next to my love,
no purer world and to thine a god is lesser
Who dares to heighten her beauty?
Who dares to dress her?
Its a cold act, bold and useless"

Love is a Falling

“That is what I love about you. You think before you act”. Jackie said smiling. She meant the thought before he loved her, but really he thought of nothing. He still could not understand how Jackie could become everything. No, he never knew of a place called Love. Not of the hills and spires covered with trees that populate that wasteland of overgrown vegetation. For as alive as it could be, dead also as rotten flesh; pungent and inescapable. Something sickly perverse draws a like a dream only a child could conceive; making one like Death, to haunt a land of Affection. He drew like a ghoul upon something holy, Becoming drunk as dry sand drinks water and likewise always wanting. “oh! How the lights sparkle here dear, Oh! How they shine”. After a while the undead became false life. Flowers grew from his mouth and the petals covered her face. Now her face was lovely above all. The green vines thick from his hands grew upon her head. Her hair became the finest thread. As lovely as lovely could be, Saw only he the loveliest she. “My love, my love the petals that fall are still falling on your face”.

I Don't Know Kung Fu

I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight. It seems so much time has passed since last I met you. You're an angel in my life; I cannot help but laugh around you. Is it not your very presence that brings me happiness. I once heard where there is love that can exist no fear. Since love is the absence of fear. But I fear now. I am terrified now! I do not know how to sing and I do not know how to fight. What class did I miss when they taught Kung Fu of the heart? I feel so lame, how can I say what I need to and still feel like a man. But it is honor not pride I would lose. I would feel desperate and low. I'd rather us both be strong in love. What if's turn my mind blank. In the end I am the smooth killer of my dreams, I play the friend and all the while wish for so much more. What is the wisdom you can give my dear Grandfather? Wish you were here now... Mother? Where are you? Where is your advice in this? Because my heart is now thoroughly distressed. I can only imagine now how she will be caught. My angel will be taken by another. I once thought I was equal to all the other warriors and I once thought I was as deadly as they... I once thought I had game. Yet now I see what a fool I have been. This weakness has got to count against me... saying nothing of my small size. What is it now that I can bring that would fascinate her. Character? it is only a star to be stared upon, you know you cannot reach stars. I have ran out of options and I have tried almost everything. Yet brute honesty will help me the most. When I think about it, it seems so simple. Tell her! Tell her! Tell her! Yet would such a destructive action cripple our friendship? I don't want to be the cause of that again... I don't want to be the cause of that again. I was so bold back then when I told that lovely girl how I felt. Then it was as if I died and went to heaven. My darling turned into a light that even silence and separation could not penetrate. But now 2 years later that massive explosion I would have to call a failed relationship I have learned not to be so bold. I cannot stand it! It is as if I am hanging from a ledge over a furious sea. Dare I fall into the thunderous depths? Dare I fall in love? But Love is not love... But Love is not love... I know it to be true by scars... Up until I have loved her in every way i can think of to truly love a person. I have not judged her character when it was less than perfect. I have not betrayed her trust. I have complimented her good abilities and encouraged her in her strengths. I have often helped her when I did not need to. I have been her friend. How I wish I could advise her in a matter that would give me the greatest joy. To help her in someway. I have found true Love to be more of an action rather than a feeling. I will know when it is true when the fear is gone and I am not going in because I "feel" so strongly. But when I do, I will "know" it is right. Maybe my Kung Fu is good... is it not good technique to be offensive and also secretive? I do not hide love though. But I hide my stupidity. I am a stupid human, foolish and simple hearted. I swear i will not hurt her in this way! I have thought humans are so silly. If they love just to take risks no wonder their hearts are so broken. A shoot-or-miss-or-miss philosophy, the odds are against you. I think it should be sure-shot! I know it is not long now. These days will pass and I will ponder so many words I could have said. I would replay the situation a thousand time until I was Mr. Smooth and her my captive audience. Yet now it all makes sense to me, now this point of contact seems right. This is where we meet my friend and I am sure glad I have you today. Just as a friend. It seems I am not ready for that jump. I am just not ready.

Changing of a Heart

I took it as it was something to be had. But I only deceived myself and spent my days with it at my side. Little did I know how it weakly shimmered and its thin substance was everyday on the brink of disappearance. I looked to the horizon full of hope and thoughtless happiness, it was nothing I had fought for or by any force claimed as my own. In this life I cared for nothing it all came to me, none of it a was conquered. The day today was ending and I knew tomorrow was already anticipated to be peaceful as always. I walked away from that shimmering mist knowing it would follow, expecting it to follow. It always did. It would never leave me. I took to bed in the forest as I always did, the mild climate sustained its temperate conditions day and night. I did not fear the cold or the heat. i did not fear thirst or hunger. I would never know the consequences of my careless living.

I went to sleep quickly that night with the soft ground holding me delicately in its earthy arms. In a dream the mist glided lightly with me into a vibrant sky. High in the wispy clouds we basked in the brilliance of the high noon sun. Fearlessly I took to the sky, Taris fallowed slowly. Taris was the mist and in my dream he became a man. He looked strong, reserved, yet it was a calm of a lion who knew none could challenge him. I was confident as I looked at the world beneath me. "Together Taris, you and I will conquer the world". He smiled nodding his shaven head in compliance. In this world though there was nothing to conquer, but everything we saw was ours. From the sea bed, to the highest mountain peak. It was all ours. There existed no one to defy our dominance. For a long time we rested in the great power we had over all creation. "Taris, this is our creation, this is what we made". He nodded. I grew to know the rhythms of the earth, the pounding tides and the fierce winds. The devastation of an earthquake and an eruption of a volcano became displays of my power. I could no longer recognize that I caused none it. Over time I looked at Taris as a nuisance. He was always following me. I despised his calm reserve and even began to dislike his compliance. Why did he have to always agree with me? In my dream I flew to far side of the Earth far from the place we called our home. I smiled in a new kind of freedom. Yet as I turned to revel in my solitude there he floated. Calm. Powerful. Silent. I became so furious I couldn't speak. To me he became my master, watching my every step. I reached a conclusion out of my rapidly increasing paranoia that he was jealous of me. I began to have fits of outburst and rage against Taris. Soon I could tell that my anger started to spark agitation in Taris, it was the only thing I feared. It was like watching small cracks forming before an earthquake. Where once the earth had been so pristine and calm. I saw something inside Taris shift when he would no longer smile at me and even felt the ominous terror when he would no longer look at me. Nonetheless he followed me as always, he became like a weight when I flew and when I swam I could vividly imagine his iron like hands clamping to my heals and dragging me to the cold depths. Taris... when did this happen I thought. In a praire it was no longer a simple happiness in the tranquil waves of the grass. It was only a mockery of my inner turmoil. Suddenly as if my mind was a pane a glass my thoughts shattered with the abrupt realization. I felt the ground, it bunched in the curling of my fists. I breathed out hot air until my lungs were empty and I gasped for air in panic. The air was cold, no it was warm, but if felt cold as sweat formed all over my body. It all felt so...so...real! I wasn't in a dream anymore. Taris! The sharp feeling of terror pierced my heart, I felt like I was going fall off the planet. Taris! The horizon was hazy. I tried to run; stomping slowly across the ground, it hurt to run I was so heavy. The forest behind loomed out to me, from the recesses crooked branches reached out to me. I felt empty and cold. The world felt empty and cold. "TARIS"! I screamed.

Empircal Feelings

Ash- may burn as bar-ley
and the
day may burn so early
Lyrical brother to delight like the feather
worst is worst come to fight
the smile, the kiss to bring light
we played, we fought, and loved together
but ends delight the ending twins
of bitter and sad thus lonely spins
next of kin, mirrors broken together
to vex, to test that lyrical brother
but said I to the coming new, "Too Old!"
for the ending in hearty weakling fold
so troubled as I
I said "me" to I
Also says I more words
to blast her memory high
but she stayed high
Like a fortress liken
only to a girl hurt as she

He Spoke Mono

There is a boy in the back room, his collar is red. He blends into the black velvet curtains. Invisible. He waits in silence, but no one here wants to go to him. I didn't even know he was there until last night, but he cries a lot so you might not want to get close or you can get a little wet if you want to. But as for us, we will stay clear, even this distance is close enough, I feel sick. Another warning, he is really angry and hurt, that is why his collar is red. It keeps him there in that back room, hidden from the rest of us. No one here doesn't even go near him, but we know we couldn't get that collar off. It is too hot, even if you think about it too much, my head starts to hurt. Lets talk of something else. Yeah... this is a strange place, I only started going here last week, but all these people are something dead. A part of something dead, at least- they smell. I can distinguish the smell, but even I am getting tainted, I bring perfume, really potent, could even knock you unconscious, but it doesn't last long in this place. I am becoming tainted. I have to separate myself constantly I don't want to smell dead and not know it. They don't seem to mind though, they just walk around and whisper in corners, they are afraid to disturb each other, but their murmurs drive each other crazy. They are paranoid, I am paranoid. Did you see that shimmer! Oh! I really hope that ghost doesn't talk to me again. He spoke to me to me last time and I froze for the entire night. I almost broke my ankle when I was released, because I had no strength to stand after. You learn to ignore the dull whispers after while, it is almost like you are in a hive. I don't know where the honey is though. I know I should shut up because I am making no sense, but seriously, if you had sense you would leave. Oh! You're gonna stay? Your brother is here! Your friend you say. He must be a close friend to be a brother. I had a brother once, he got swept away in that river, the one that never stops. From what I heard, it won't stop until some guy put it under his foot. I wonder what kind of shoes he will be wearing? Not sandals because that won't stop any water, it will just pass through...

Dream

In a empty stone room I asked, "Is this the end?".
"This is only the beginning", the guard replied.
I started to turn and whispered, "I've got to get out, I have to leave", the walls were full of puzzles.
Someone spoke again,"This is only the beginning, you cannot escape the end. You cannot escape your end." Suddenly, I didn't want to leave, this place looked so wonderful. Look at that angel! She is called my mother's name. She sat wasting time in a small box... like me and I felt comforted.
I screamed, "Madness, where's the exit? NO! Get away! You're crazy, isn't there a way out? I heard myself whimpering, "There too much blood and so many faces! Why are they crying? Why am I here?" With tears streaming down my face I heard a voice, "Turning is useless, you turn from one Thing only to meet another Thing. Those are monsters and they have come to consume you... if you move".
I stood still in a room of stone, a stone box and there was only one man. Then the man who was the guard appeared and spoke to me again.
"You cannot leave this place of horror and bliss, you will be trapped in this place of nothing and see everything. Nothing is hidden from you, but you are blind.
Without moving I felt my back against the floor covered in blood, but it was silk and still tried to turn with no avail. I squinted confused. There was no ceiling... I turned my head... no walls. The floor! I was suspended in the darkness. I stiffened trying not to fall.
"Is this the end", I asked. I felt a breath on my back, it whispered, "This is only the beginning". Suddenly it became a laughing screech and then a tortured roar. Dark blue tendrils looking like fire wrapped around my form, twirling upwards and fading with my passing. I was falling. Screams jolted me out of my sleep. I looked to the flashing television. Images of blood and war seared my mind. The screen filled with the face of a crying baby. On the wall a clock ticked, it looked like a puzzle. On the wall also hung a canvas that depicted a savage image from Left4Dead. I had painted it last month. The room tilted, exhausted I fell weakly onto the softness of my pillow. The lamp on the stand next to my bed lit up a picture of my mother smiling at me while she held a young child. Her image blurred. Why is she in a box? ... the room went dark.

Looking Out the Window

He climbed the wall like one of those stupid spiders, complete with hairy legs and all the after images of a nightmare. I shivered watching Spike, our three year old monkey make his way along the naked water pipes. I could almost imagine him as King Kong, but the King never went through a mass of metal tubes... "Stupid Spike you have to come down sometime", I raised my eye brows at him. He just glanced at me, then twisted his head and hissed at the window. The sun barely lit the dank recesses of our bug invested window well. I remember playing in those searching for rare spider species or hoping I would find some creature never seen before. It was the hope of a child and the fear. I looked into those secret dirt holes and peered in the gravel crevices with the greatest anticipation only to come out empty handed except with a little more fear of the unknown. I wanted to know. But what would it help if I did. I would only be scared out of my mind and never return there again. I peered down at the sticky pop cans littered at my feet and felt sick. I knew drinking so much soda wasn't healthy, but that was what I called a good Saturday night. Your most boring laziness beneath a bunch of sticks with a hairy creature to ignore you. Loneliness. I listened once more for the groaning noise of the garage door that would announce the return of my parents from their weekend trip to the Coast. They were both busy with work all the time, leaving early and arriving home late. They used the weekend to escape and leave me trapped. I often made my own dinners. I even stayed home from school some days when I didn't feel like going, who was there to make me go anyways. It was a privilege most teenagers don't get. But how would I know, maybe they liked school because it was better than home. I rolled my eyes once again and sighed as I sunk my body heavily against the folding metal chair. I sent the cans clanking away as I pushed my feet out. Why was I wearing sandals with socks? I wish she would call me. Man! I wish Jack would call me. Boring Jack, hanging with his girlfriend seemed to be all he did these days, ever since the summer. She said she would call me. Leaning my head back I looked at an upside down monkey still staring into the window well. "Spikyy", he continued to stare out the window, "Spike!". He look at me, rubbed his hands and looked back out the window. I frowned at him. Am I looking at a depressed monkey? He looked even more depressed as there was barely any light coming through the window. It was all turning into a blue cold evening. I sighed again and got up pulling lightly at the lamp string over my head. Yellow light illuminated the concrete floor and boxes teetering against the wall. There really was no door to the basement, only a small wooden latter lead up to an opening that lead right to our back entrance. This place was so empty. I knew my parents weren't coming home. I would have friends over, but seeing as I only had one, I guess he would be busy. I thought of Jane again. Why did I think of her? I asked myself again what was wrong with me. I started to kick one of the cans up against the wall. Looked out the window, without even noticing Spike... In my memory I kicked a can across the road and I heard Jane's voice as it rang through the hot summer air of August."You stay in your house a lot". She said this and went quiet again and looked back down the white sidewalk. I could only say one thing, "Its my house". I walked over to her as she stared down the lane of cookie-cutter houses. I stared down at her hair as it shone in the high-noon sun. She continued to stare, I sat next to her. Why was she here, in front of my house? "Did you enjoy your summer", I asked. She responded quickly, "Yeah, I guess". I frowned at her, then smiled, "What did you do?". "Not much". I frowned again. "Well, I will tell you about the most exciting summer ever". She turned her head to me, "Yeah, what did you do?" I lied, "I went to the Coast, spent almost two months there actually. But we wanted to spend the rest of the summer home, that is why I am in my house a lot. Plus, I guess the neighbor was sick of taking care of Spike" Jane laughed, "I still cannot get over that you have a pet monkey, I thought only people in India that sorta of thing and celebrities". I smiled, "We're pretty exotic! Love doing all sorts of strange things together". "I am glad your family does things together, my parents just fight all the time".

Its a Choice to Feel

   I start my day with the sunrise and I beckon to the winds. Come all thee flowers and the beauty of hers eyes, I call for them all. Then onward to the sweet sound of her voice, my heart drinks it like wine. Pure and sweet.

   Another night. I start my day in the shadows and the cold, she isn't with me. I fear the day to come the sun has not risen yet. The trees grow shadows and the stars fade into a dim blue sky. The frost bites me as I think of her name, bringing a myriad of thoughts. My footsteps are heavy until I see her.

   When I see her suddenly the steps I make to her was just one, which I marked so vividly in my mind. Its the last step I had to take until I was close to her. Her eyes are bright and I catch the smile she made while she drew her face to my own. In the silence of my mind, I watch her lips moving. Her hand catches her hair and flings from her shoulders, laughing as a friend spoke her name in shock. She was proud of her accomplishment.

   Another night. But the night is long and the memory of her smile leaves me in a trance as I replay my thoughts of touching her hair. I go through the motions of tomorrow. What shall I say? It will be this and it will be that, she'll do this and that. Then this will begin and I'll say that, with a flirt make a statement and a plan. It won't end, but only starts again. It will be this way and it will be that way. It will be this way. The dawn wakes with my dreams still floating like clouds in the sky.

  All day I never see her and all day I can't say all I want to. The world is so bright, yet it also is dark and dim without her next to me today. I hope so much in nothing, I see her ghost in a thousand place and she left me many trinkets to remember her by. She won't be gone forever, but I see her everywhere.