I Don't Know Kung Fu

I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight. It seems so much time has passed since last I met you. You're an angel in my life; I cannot help but laugh around you. Is it not your very presence that brings me happiness. I once heard where there is love that can exist no fear. Since love is the absence of fear. But I fear now. I am terrified now! I do not know how to sing and I do not know how to fight. What class did I miss when they taught Kung Fu of the heart? I feel so lame, how can I say what I need to and still feel like a man. But it is honor not pride I would lose. I would feel desperate and low. I'd rather us both be strong in love. What if's turn my mind blank. In the end I am the smooth killer of my dreams, I play the friend and all the while wish for so much more. What is the wisdom you can give my dear Grandfather? Wish you were here now... Mother? Where are you? Where is your advice in this? Because my heart is now thoroughly distressed. I can only imagine now how she will be caught. My angel will be taken by another. I once thought I was equal to all the other warriors and I once thought I was as deadly as they... I once thought I had game. Yet now I see what a fool I have been. This weakness has got to count against me... saying nothing of my small size. What is it now that I can bring that would fascinate her. Character? it is only a star to be stared upon, you know you cannot reach stars. I have ran out of options and I have tried almost everything. Yet brute honesty will help me the most. When I think about it, it seems so simple. Tell her! Tell her! Tell her! Yet would such a destructive action cripple our friendship? I don't want to be the cause of that again... I don't want to be the cause of that again. I was so bold back then when I told that lovely girl how I felt. Then it was as if I died and went to heaven. My darling turned into a light that even silence and separation could not penetrate. But now 2 years later that massive explosion I would have to call a failed relationship I have learned not to be so bold. I cannot stand it! It is as if I am hanging from a ledge over a furious sea. Dare I fall into the thunderous depths? Dare I fall in love? But Love is not love... But Love is not love... I know it to be true by scars... Up until I have loved her in every way i can think of to truly love a person. I have not judged her character when it was less than perfect. I have not betrayed her trust. I have complimented her good abilities and encouraged her in her strengths. I have often helped her when I did not need to. I have been her friend. How I wish I could advise her in a matter that would give me the greatest joy. To help her in someway. I have found true Love to be more of an action rather than a feeling. I will know when it is true when the fear is gone and I am not going in because I "feel" so strongly. But when I do, I will "know" it is right. Maybe my Kung Fu is good... is it not good technique to be offensive and also secretive? I do not hide love though. But I hide my stupidity. I am a stupid human, foolish and simple hearted. I swear i will not hurt her in this way! I have thought humans are so silly. If they love just to take risks no wonder their hearts are so broken. A shoot-or-miss-or-miss philosophy, the odds are against you. I think it should be sure-shot! I know it is not long now. These days will pass and I will ponder so many words I could have said. I would replay the situation a thousand time until I was Mr. Smooth and her my captive audience. Yet now it all makes sense to me, now this point of contact seems right. This is where we meet my friend and I am sure glad I have you today. Just as a friend. It seems I am not ready for that jump. I am just not ready.