Dauntless

I am love and I've got a thing for you. No matter how you run you cannot escape my grasp. Gonna have you forever. Then in the pit of despair the light you shine I will see and make a hearty laugh. I knew you wouldn't leave me. Gonna have you forever. They say I am so good and when compared to them maybe I am just a little better. But what kind of thought is that... "a good person". No one is good except the Lord and in my heart I will always believe that. No matter how far I run from Him and even try to hide, it will always be what I believe. Ha ha you with me in this dank pit, both of us are dirty and broken... me good? hahaha How can dirt be good and how can I not contaminate the purest waters. Of this I am sure and then cleave for the under blessed fun, of hope that never weeps. But that other Hope drags me along like a destroyed doll with no mercy or escape from the thoughts of future that bring to this meandering state of stillness. I pray you know where you are going and in the silence will hear of the places we need to be. For now you are my leader Hope, my master and my king. Because I am lost and feel there exists no place where I can hide. So now we run, and run forgetting the breathless gasps and the painful hints of exhaustion. I am actually dying. But I run to live. Through the dim forest I catch the bright afterimage of your face, your laughing and I can hear the echoes of that sound. It terrified me and I weeped so hard I couldn't breath as my body was still hanging limp from the shoulders of the one I clung to. Who was it that held me? Who was it that dragged me along with such thoughtlessness, I hated her. But her face was shapeless and she brought me nightmares and tiredness. I laughed at my own insanity, for surely she will not leave me to die in this wilderness. For surely we have yet to glimpse the sunrise and it will obliterate this darkness.  For now there are just shadows.

Feelers

Well since I have not written here in a while I would like to begin. :) As of right now I am skipping class for the sheer fun of it and would like to continue my day with as little disturbances as possible. These days I feel overwhelmed by all that I have to do and by all the encompassing tasks that must be completed. It is hard to know where to begin and I have come to understand that action is the only proactive thing I can do at this point. I am very serious these days, at least when I write. Everything is dark and dreary, I don't know how I can make the jokes I make. I won't pride myself with being clever or at all lighthearted. Maybe it is more for the sake of the other person and sort of a defense mechanism for myself. So, the person does not see how I truly feel. That would be a great misfortune; if someone where to see how I felt. I think that person would be harsh and not at all sensitive to what I am feeling. Mistrust. Yes I am very distrustful. I will let you see how pretty my house and all the work I put into making it. However you will never see the inside and that is where the possibility of you seeing it does terrify me very much. As ardently as I wish for this to be a fairy tale it is not. It is what I have contemplated on very much and have made the preceding conclusions. But controvesy strikes me where I am! Am I not showing how I feel. Oh much like a message in a bottle. However, you do not and cannot understand the complete scope of my feeling with this language. I would not do it if I did not trust it. Stranger you are and stranger still your response, you wouldn't send that would you?

Thesis Power

I am scared about my thesis, which I would consider a good thing. Ha ha I would say, I am glad I even have one. I think I present on the morrow.
I would like to write of the tragic sense of life, which is a topic I consider a lot. No I do not walk around super depressed, just thinking about life makes me wonder sometimes. It really is sad. Despite how you live life and what you do, it will all disappear and all you have done will come to nothing.
Sorry! My thesis... right. But yeah, life is tragic, and I wanted to write a paper on that, really detailing my experience with life's tragedy. As much as people would like to think life is not a tragic. The only reason that there is something called life anyways is because there is death. Just as there is good because there is evil. Right because there is wrong. Love and Hate.

Books and Movies

I am completely amazed by the power of the motion picture and also by the written word. It is all so amazing! Can you tell I am excited? When a person can create a work that influences my life and causes me feel a certain way, it just makes so happy. In my development as a writer and also as an artist my greatest inspirations have come from movies and books. Suddenly I am enraptured in the pain of character or their joy. I hate the villain and I scream(inside) at a character that makes a stupid decision. Sometimes, when a certain part comes out that so freaking mind blowing I even laugh aloud and possibly jump up and dance or do some weird display of amazement. Seriously. :) I really get into it. But I never do this with people around, thankfully. Then from that I am inspired, then from that raw emotion I forge an idea and I crank out a work of art or, mostly likely, a poem. I am almost at the point where I despise creating something without any inspiration or excitement! It feels like I am grinding against nothing. I have only said this to emphasize the importance of both. Though we have not had motion picture until recently considering historical time. No fifty years is not a long time. :) However, even before the creation of television and the boom of modern media, we had theater. There is a certain importance in visually seeing something acted out to remember a particular story or even an event that happened within a group of people. It is also important to read a book to remember a story or event. But also it is important to be simply entertained, life is hard and it is good at times to be taken away and perhaps only for a while experience another world.
It is hard to say how much of what I know and how I act has been influenced by books or tv, but I hope I have learned a little by piles of books I have read and many movies I have seen. I am starting to think that without life to pound my head in, I would have never learned the things I have read and seen in those different types of media. You can study all you want, but until you actually apply what you have learned there really is no experience gained or useful way you could use all that information.

Poetry on Page 350

The Law of Immeasurable Quantity


Notice law = known right angles makes known unknown forms,
Also Immeasurable= the known forms make a little door
drawing the same process of a segment,
making an unknown form.
Quantity is a known door, since two sides and the included angle are known (SAS).
We can derive other unknown forms of the law of Immeasurable quantity recognizing that the opposite is true for all three unknown forms.
Since, left and right equal known quantity, the known door included is the only known quantity.

Ridiculous! Found it in a trig book, talking of The Law of Cosines.

Sonnet

Ha ha, I probably destroyed the idea of Iambic Pentameter, and this is a bit too deep. But I am sure that anyone who has been in love it is blinding. Whoa!I just wanna say... Shake-a-Spear! :)

                        Agapē  

How when I look upon you such desire

Opens and burns and consumes my dry soul

I’m chaff and the waste ready for a fire

You own me, your love is all that I know

Lovely, lovely my desperate hunger

Waits like in the dark for your bright light

You will come and I will wait no longer

I will be sated walking from the night

Into your presence I am put secure

You hold me never willing my depart

All your love is aroused and will endure

Stars do not last and forever is short

Your embrace last longer, your hold has no end

There’s no one else for me, no closer friend

Sonnet: Clandestine I

When my sight unseen your sweet complexion

Time has stilled this grinding fire’s bitter burn

Yet silence only rounds another tiresome turn

My Heart heeds the Banshee’s depiction

Gnarled twists of her face lay waste my still hand

Aback the Flower heeds an infant’s frail curl

My Heart’s whimpers, drowned by cries, for that girl

Panicked gorge spurts blood upon the sand

Wrenching on the ground the hallow wind blows

Of future hope know I not where it goes

Like Or As

 Caterpillar

"Bailey remained in the 

driver's seat with the cat-gray 

striped with a broad white face 

and an orange nose-clinging to his 

neck like a caterpillar." 

(398 R.)

 Hippoptamus

"She had her big 

black valise that 

looked like 

the head of a 

hippopotamus." 

(393 R.)

                          Snake

The Mist fit sprang back as if 

a snake had bitten him and 

shot her three time 

through the 

chest." 

(403 R.)

uhhh... some of these are quite disturbing, hippos, caterpillars, and snakes. Mostly animal 

references, which is interesting, because I guess it is way easier to picture animals. Also, these 

animals mentioned are not that attractive, at least not like a butterfly. :) This is good though 

because that adds to the style by the author writes this story.

It was the strangest and faintest dream, but I thank God I finally had one I could actually remember. :) Well I sort of remember it. Well, it began with the setting around a pool; one that I think is much like the one at my home. There was sort of a game like basketball in a pool. I sat out as I usually do in social gatherings and observe; that’s at least what I think I was doing. People would automatically pair up and would play a game I am still unsure about what it was exactly. It did require swimming though. With dreams, it is always so strange that physical things come in feelings and emotion. It isn't stone, but what I feel what would be stone. Fear isn't seeing something; it is premonition that without a doubt something is there, even though I don't see it. So I was watching strangers, friends, and family play this game in the pool. Then somebody I loved touched the bottom of the pool and lost. When she got out of the pool she was angry and hurt she had lost. I embraced her as she came around to where I was and I felt the emotion of feeling cold skin. But I also felt the enormous satisfaction of holding her so close and securely. I wasn't sure who she was. She disappeared from my consciousness and I soon joined the game. But I don't know what it was I was playing. I just wanted to show people how I could launch from the wall and go speeding through the water. However, I touched the bottom of the pool and got the feeling I did something wrong, because I knew I shouldn't touch the bottom of the pool, but I pretended I didn't. Then, just as if I had jinxed myself, I did it a second time, by this time I knew I was cheating by not taking myself out of the pool. Then I touched the bottom of the pool for the third and final time, so when I came to the surface a man was there pointing a thick finger at me. He had a green coat on with a green hat and a orange beard, I got the impression of a dwarf/lepercon sort of guy although he was tall. So I got out and continued to watch the game from the side lines. After that it is just bits and pieces, but none of them are clear enough to tell

Memory

The only thing I could think of as my earliest childhood memory is one takes place on a cracked sidewalk outside my house in Billings. I do not know why I remember this though. It could be because those days were the last days I was with my parents. But now our family is broken and I haven't been with my family in 14 years. The memory is faded, yet what remains is there is printed in my mind like a painting that has been scraped with sand-paper. I was playing with either my brother, friends, or myself. But I was very interested in getting one of those toy cars that look like red and yellow beetles over the cracks in the cement. That is my earliest memory of frustration, yet it may have been something entirely different.

The Brothers Karamazov(17)

I really enjoy Dostoyevsky’s narrative. I have only read beginning the book, but there is something that caught my attention that I would like to “blog” about. It is interesting to notice how writers often find ways of exploring the human complexity in a way that I could not in all my methodical meditations. It is sort of similar to an enlightening and most often leaves one me with a gratitude for reading that I doubt will ever be replaced. However, back to this passage that caught my attention.

“In his childhood and adolescence he was not effusive and he did not even like to talk a great deal, but it is was not from mistrustfulness, nor from shyness or from morose unsociability; quite the contrary it was from something else, from a sort of inner preoccupation, a preoccupation that concerned only himself and had nothing to do with anyone else, but so important to him that he seemed to forget others because of it. But he loved people; all his life he seemed to have complete faith in people and yet no one ever took him for a simpleton or a naïve person” (Dostoyevsky, 17).

It is often in this very similar “preoccupation”, that I find myself caught up in. It is these kinds of introversion I often reprimand myself for, not as a result of my own two-mindedness, but because of society. In the American society in regards to socializing, it is all talk, where always, one is expected to have something interesting to say or some comical statement. Going back to my “preoccupations”, I would not like to think myself as “mistrustful” of others, Or “shy”, or “unsociable” However, it is the label that we, even I, stick to the foreheads of those whose tongues are less free. Instead, I would like to relate myself to Alyosha, “no one would take him for a simpleton or a naïve person”. It is often because of my thoughts that I am silent. 

Le Premier

Well class today was quite interesting and amusing. I am suppose to say something so I guess all I will say is I will enjoy this class. Though I am very unsure about the novel. I had started it high school and I remember all of the names were very hard to get by. However this is a challenge for me and one I am looking forward to surmounting. I really hope it does prove to be one of greatest novels of all time, at least for myself. :)